the healing words..

i was going through my piled stuff this morning (my books and some readable and writable ones) and i came across the scrapbook that my cousin/sister/bestfriend Ating gave me on my 20th birthday.. so, i opened it again and as i re-read the things that she wrote in there, i just couldn't help but cry.. i immediately grabbed my phone and texted her saying how i miss and love her..

i decided to blog and share the things that she wrote for me in that scrapbook.. and i hope it'll inspire you to go on with life no matter how hard it gets, as much as it inspired me.. here it is..

FIRST PAGE:

April 22, 2009 (40 days after my father's death)

Right now, it might be difficult for you to see where this chapter of your life is heading to.. But rest assured that our God is a God of HAPPY Endings... and NEW Beginnings.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know what my plans for you are, plans to SAVE you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and to give you HOPE." :)

GOD LOVES YOU

SECOND PAGE:

Dearest Apyang,

Happy 20th Birthday! :) Babaeng bente na ka! Twins na pud ta! Haha

I love you bata :) and I miss you. Pyang if ako lang jud ang magbuot sa Ozamiz jud ko mag stay after sa kato Holy Week sa Cebu... pero saon ta man clearance and med school and all. But my heart and prayers have always been with you and your family. You're my sister, bata. Your loss is my loss and your joy is my joy. At times i miss your daddy so much that i need to stop and let the pain pass over. Then i think of all of you and i am reminded to be strong. Pyang, this journal is still empty. And i know that's how you've been feeling for the past 40 days... empty. Writing has always been your passion. And also, writing can be therapeutic. I give you this book to write in when you feel sad (which sadly is often), happy (which i hope to be MORE often), empty, full, irritated, patient... EVERYTHING! If you miss your daddy, write it down... If you recall a moment with him, you can write it down. And as you fill these pages, I pray that Papa God will also fill the emptiness in your heart. Give yourself time. "The Lord remembered us in our misery, God's love endures forever." (Psalm 136:23). He sees and He KNOWS how you feel. And He is telling you that, "Pyang, I am here for you and i love you." In our weakness Pyang, His strength is made perfect. If you feel that everything is too much and you can no longer bear the burden, then lean on Him. And when, not if, you get through that moment you'll realize that He carried you... footprints in the sand, remember? :) Bata, I love you. I believe in you :) I believe in Papa God :) I believe that He is working in you and your family. I thank God for the day you were born.

Always,

Ating

... and now i'm crying again! hehe.. Ating has been with me in everything that I go through since we were kids, along with Jedan. Life really becomes easier when you have people like Ating..

Ting, I love you so much!! I can't wait to see you this Christmas.. :)

i miss..

- my dad

- my Baliog dads and moms

- my cousins

- the beach

- the aquatic creatures

- the bukids of Bukidnon

- night-outs

- tequila

- DD

- my highschool friends

- my IIT friends

- magtanga lang the whole day!

haaaay.. :(

lately, i've been...

- lazy

- distracted

- soooo happy - Sir Ramel, thank you! :)

- bookish

- blog hopping

- mafia waring?

- reading my diary

- writing in my diary

- helping my brother with his box

- envious of my brother's blooming love life

- missing a looooot of people, especially those from my past

- excited to be back in school

- yet worried about the upcoming org work

- hospitalized

- traumatized (needles and hospital smell.. yuck!)

- seeing a "DD" look-alike

- missing the real "DD"

- insane

- being maarte (haha!)

- finishing a Paulo Coelho novel

- restless!!

:D

saan kaya nagmana ang batang ito?

sus.. kung alam niyo lang ang lahat ng kayang gawin ng batang ito na puro kalokohan, talagang maitatanong niyo kung saan nagmana ang batang ito..

sa program ni kuya migs, nag insist na dalhin ang kanyang plastic tool.. okay fine, payag si tita.. pagdating sa school, pakarga all the time.. laro ng laro sa kanyang tool na parang walang presentation si kuya migs sa stage.. kaya ayan, pinicturan ko nalang..

"booooring!!".. yan ang linya niyang walang kataposan kapag wala na cyang magawa sa buhay.. pero sa panahong ito, nag-iba ata ang ihip ng hangin.. tumahimik siya.. ng ilang segundo lng.. "booooooring!!"

sigaw ng tita, "smile staaaan!!".. at yan ang mga binagay na pose.. hay nako!

nainitan kaya kinuha ang pamaypay ni mommy la, umupo sa hagdanan at talak pa rin ng talak.. napapatahimik nga minsan pero ilang seconds lng talaga! ng napansin na pinipicturan ko cya, biglang nag ala-mowdeel.. yan! haha! kakatawa..

"tita iping nice ayo ako shoes.. pictura ako shoes.." okay! picture naman si titang uto-uto..

at pagdating sa bahay, pinasira ang glasses ng eye glasses kasi gusto niya ng glassess na walang glasses.. ang gulo noh? hehe.. gusto niya ng geeky mode kaya ayan.. muntik pa akong nasugatan sa kakadikdik sa glasses ng kung ano-ano para frame na lang ang matira.. haaaaay buhay..

HOI STAN! BEHAVE KA NGA MINSAN!!

hehehe.. i love you dong.. :D

si mister D na wa pa na get-over.. haller!!

lingaw najud na nako since the existence of internet surfing ang mag search ug mga tawo sa social-networking sites, especially facebook..

ug karong gabhiona, sa akong ka-garal, nangita nasad ko ni mister D sa facebook since before wla pa man gyud na cyay account.. ambot lang jud ko na ga cge pa jud kog damgo anang tawhana na 48 years na nakong wla nakita (pero mrag this december magkita na jud mi, finality! haha!!)

sa ako lng ma remember, mrag since nag highschool ko super duper mega over crushee-crushee na kay ni nko si D na sa ka OA, ga-suka ko sa D city katong time abi nako na maabot cla ato na party.. na wala rba jud! haha!! eeeeew.. :))

pro in fairness ha, mao rjud ghpon ang b***g.. kaakit-akit jud ghapon.. nyhaha! waaaaaaaah!!! aw.. asa naman to akong mga ig-agaw na supporters kaayo ani na loveteam oi! taas kamay naman dyan mga fans! wahahah!!

daoy! naa na sad cyay facebook kron.. ok ra unta to sa friendster kay ma tan-aw man ang profile maski common friend lng.. pro sa facebook na mas gna-update na niya, di naman madala ug lili! my gas my gas.. i cannot my mind.. unsaon man ni nako pag lili sa facebook niya woi? ulaw pmn e-invite! hehehe..

na.. nabuang na jud ko kay kadlawon nmn gung dako.. sorry ha.. nakalas imong oras sa pagbasa ani noh? ngano bitaw imong gibasa! bleh! :P

wahahahahaha!!! :))

- *BOWOWOW* -

the tomboy in me misses me.. and a huge part of it is daddy.. :)

I’m not gay nor bisexual of some sort, first and foremost.. hehe.. I just miss doing the boyish things that I used to do often.. with dad.

I’ve always loved dad’s company cause he treated me the same way he treated my brother loloy.. I like doing girly stuff with mom but doing boyish things with dad was exceptional..

i used to gamble in tong-its with dad before especially when there’s brownout.. haha! he’s even the one who gives me the money that I’d use for betting.. there were also times when I’d just sit by the dining table drinking some liquor and he’ll sit with me, ask how much alcohol does the liquor I’m drinking have, then just keep me company.. now how cool is that for a dad? J

there were also times when we’d leave the house, ride on his motorbike, go around the city, then pick some stuff to munch.. we don’t get to talk a lot about too personal stuff but our daddy-daughter connection was always there..

I can’t imagine how it’ll be like holding and firing a gun again without dad.. he was my mentor and my number one fan.. whenever we’d go out target shooting along with my uncles and my brother, it was always I who he was always so proud of that even having my earmuffs on, I could still hear his loud cheers especially when I get alpha shots.. I sooooo miss holding and firing a gun!

i’m looking forward to the time that I’ll be able to do these stuff again, especially target shooting.. I know it would no longer be as exceptional as it used to be with dad, but getting back that spunky feeling again would surely be amazing.. J

school..

last week was one of the most amazing weeks i've had in my life.. it wasn't just because i was able to do so many things that made me feel relevant and functional, but it was more about finding a new family.. my JPIAya family!!! :D

getting through the JPIA week celebration was really a struggle.. there were times when i'd be able to eat only once a day, when i get scolded on things that i actually had nothing to do with, when i'd get home past 9pm, when i'd run under the pouring rain just to get things done.. restless!

after the culmination program, me, my co-officers of the org and our adviser sir julius weren't just relieved but were also filled with great food and tons of laughter.. we all went out for dinner and enjoyed the night.. :)

on a sad note..

there's this subject that i'm really having a hard time on.. it's difficult and complicated.. plus the teacher factor! haha! yah.. for real.. our teahcer is too intelligent (FYI he had a 100% mark on this subject when he took the board exam) that we get the problems of the "too intelligent".. we'll be having our midterm exams next week and yet i wasn't still able to pass a single quiz and the prelim exam.. i might also have gotten zero on the quiz we had yesterday.. HEEEEEELP!! i really can not delay graduation.. :(

bisaya bersyon

naunsa na tawon ko.. natunga na akong utok ug kasing2.. haha! unsa man ni oi grbe ka bisaya.. hehe.. ay basta.. freedom ang tawag ani..

usahay mag cge ra jud ko ug ngislit tungod ni inspiration.. cgeg kanta2, cgeg ima.. na.. pro mra mag naay wla nalipay skong mga pag lipay2.. ngano pud kha noh? wa ko kabalo kung asa nabikil.. pro sorry folk kay wa nkoy paki.. sala actually nimo dli nako.. okie? okie..

sa school cge kong bc.. opisir kintahay sa org.. lipay kay experience na gud ni noh, pra sad ni skong pyutyor.. pero dghan na sad hadlang.. daghang kaba, daghang.. unsa bah! naa pa juy akong pagka tarantated na dako kaayog epekto skong pirpormans.. ai nako..

usahay mosyagit nalang kog "hoy! kinsay gusto mo minyo nako minyo-e nlng ko beh!".. tubagon pud ko skong bayot friend, "naa diay mo minyo nimo?".. ending: sakitan ta.. hahah!! :))

hala ang music kay "where did i go wrong i lost a friend.." ai mao..

daoy.. lebog ang life noh? pro everyday ang ending happy ghpon.. kay opkors.. balance kaayo mo train si BRO sa akoa noh.. grbe na problema pro naa man sad mga grabe na kalipay.. equals na dayon sa mas maayong ako.. haha! ay naunsa nni..

ai tuod, kulba na ko sa mga exams geng.. naa pko duha ka lisod na major exams next week.. pro maningkamot jud ko tuon ug hangyo sad kay BRO.. hehehe.. :)

matulog na sad ni si migs ug stan sa akong katre ron.. bibo na sad mi ug tinandayay ug sinumbagay ani.. contest pa jud padugayay ug mata.. naku naku.. aduuuuu! haha!! :))

pasagdi na lng ko ninyo ha.. nagpahungaw lng ko skong mga gibati..

-ANG KATAPOSAN-

*bow*

bukidnon break.. take 2!!

here are some of the pics that i was able to take during my recent bukidnon break.. :)

of course when you say Bukidnon, there should be a lot of bukids! hehe.. just some of the green bukid shots.. we went there by 5pm and went back to manolo by 8am, which explains why some shots are darker than the other shots.. the scenery there is to die for, i swear!! :D

while we were in the terminal waiting for kuya santi.. i never knew my cousin had super powers! i thought he was just super vain and not super electrica... wait.. did i just say electrica? oooops! :)) *peace*

aaaaah.. (-.-) isn't he adorable?.. he's mark gregory encarnacion jr. a.k.a james.. he's still a week old in these photos and he's just soooo cute.. he was really tiny and looked so fragile that i never really dared to carry him.. :)

aaaaaaargh!!

there are just sooooo many things in my head right now and i just wanna break down and start throwing and breaking things!!

ONE: i could not graduate on-time if i can not find ways to squeez-in two 3unit subjects within the remaining 4 semesters including this upcoming sem.. just because of 2 minor 3unit subjects?! f*** it!! my teacher kept on telling me that i should have had summer classes, then i wouldn't have this problem.. but if i entertained my academic need first over my physical and emotional need, that would be irrational and unfair i may say..

SECOND: i was recently elected as the vice president for external affairs for our organization, JPIA (Junior Philippine Institute of Accountants) - school base.. then just today, my teacher told me that there's a huge possibility that i will be the president of the org if our current elected president would be elected as the college governor.. what?! just too much for me.. i have zero idea on what to do and on how to deal with it.. it's just so insane..

THIRD: i have 4.. yes.. 4!! not 1, not 2, not 3, but FOUR ACCOUNTING SUBJECTS this semester!! i have financial accounting, cost accounting, managerial accounting, and taxation all at once!!

if anyone can help me juggle all of these.. please i'm begging you.. HEEEEEEEELP!!! :'(

a bukidnon break..

we left iligan for bukidnon by 5am.. i only had 2 hours of sleep but i was used to it so my day started off fine,, not until i found my camera batteries drained!! i was so upset coz i planned to take tons of pictures during the trip to post them here.. i ended up putting my camera in my bag and just hugged a pillow hoping to take a nap.. as the trip went on, my uncle and my mom started talking about intelligent and funny stuff which made the entire trip educational and fun.. the breakfast (already in bukidnon) was kinda heavy yet very tasty!! i then wrestled with my cousins after the meal.. :)

we'd be leaving for cdo an hour from now to get some stuff then be back here in bukidnon right after our business there is done.. what i'm really excited about in this trip is visiting kuya santi and seeing his new-born junior Mark Gregory.. i hope my camera would work right by that time.. :)

my bestest!! :)

these are the people who make my life easy and happy and amazing..

my gorgeous cousins!! (L to R: jedan, kuya santi, me, dandan, loloy, junjun, candy)

simply the best people in the whole wide wide wide universe.. :D

THANKS GUYS!! i love you sooooo much!!

observations..

the US of A's president is now black.. the once deep rivers are now just bare cracked soil due to global warming.. the cellphone that was once so huge in huge suitcases are now so portable, so small, and has the most sensitive monitors that they are already touch-screens.. changes of the world is constant and fast i may say..

changes are very observable in places and in people that you often see; in my case, our household and my family.. well, there has been a lot aside from the huge change which is the absence of my father whom i see and talk to everyday..

my sister, the youngest of my siblings has grown big, like sideways!! it's insane.. i don't see her munch a lot of calories and yet she grew so big really fast.. my mom just laugh at me when i tell her my amusement about my sisters growth..

another thing is my nephew Karl Cedric whom we fondly call migs.. he's actually not the "physical activities" type of kid.. he loves his book and the computer over the running and the exposure to the sun.. but surprisingly these past few days, he has been constant on the outdoors and even learned how to bike without his training wheels for just like four days.. amazing for a kid his type.. but i'm more than proud of his biking achievement!! :)

and lastly, my brother who has been known in the house for his being thrifty just gambled a sum amount of money on a cock fight!! i was like, "what?! who are you?!" haha.. but it's really just surprising.. i hope he doesn't do this often or else i'll send him into a rehab! if there's any for gambling addicts..

so that's it! just some surprising and uhmmm, cute observations in my household.. how 'bout you? any changes in your surroundings? it might be fun to hear them.. :)

The entry that I might not read again..

There isn’t an exact word in the dictionary that could exactly define how bad I feel right now.. it’s almost 2 months since daddy passed away and everything from that day still haunts me now.. Those traumatic scenes keep on flashing into my head and I’m still trying to find ways on how to shake them off my head easily..

After my dad’s burial and by the time we returned home, I suffered from extreme trauma.. I would not sleep the entire night, for weeks, due to paranoia that my mom might die next, or that what happened to my dad might also happen to mom and we’d all be living without a parent.. well incase you do not know, my dad died of cardiac arrest due to excess bad cholesterol, which they say blocked an artery of his heart.. I’d just leave it at that coz I do not want to dig into details of what had happened.. going back, I spent those sleepless nights crying, looking at my mom and checking if she’s still breathing, and so on.. up to know, I’m still not spared of these very disturbing thoughts but it isn’t as insane as before.. I got out a bit from that paranoia through openly talking about everything with my mom, my siblings, my aunts and uncles, cousins and friends (a HUMONGOUS THANKS to all of you! J).. they did not spare me from their advices through personal conversations, calls, and text messages, even up to now..

Never have I imagined that I’d go through something as bad as this.. Honestly, there were times that I tried to ask God in my head “why us?”, or “why this?”, or “why him, of all people?!”.. But it did not help.. pastors that gave prayer services for our family kept on reminding us that “God has a purpose for everything”.. and for sure, it would be good..

Writing has really been the best way for me to express my thoughts and feelings ever since (FYI: I had been keeping a diary since first grade).. but also, ever since I tried expressing myself through writing, I did not write much about the bad moments that I’ve had.. I love reading my previous journals over and over again and given this, recalling my bad moments is just not my thing; I just hate remembering them.. and that is the reason why I gave this entry its title.. I actually had no intention of having a blog entry about the worst moments of my life but by the time a good friend of mine (who is a good writer..) tried to convince me to vent everything through writing, I gave it second thoughts, and eventually realized that it could help..

I do not know how me and my family could stand-up again after falling so hard, how we could put everything back into its rhythm..
the only thing I know is that GOD IS ALWAYS WITH US..
PRAYER is now our best weapon..

And to my dad, the man who’ll always reign supreme in my heart, may you rest in peace.. thanks a lot for everything!!
WE MISS YOU and WE’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU..
See you in the next life.. :)

the 2009 predictions.. one really creeps me out!!!

it has been really common eversince that manghuhulas would give their predictions for the year everytime a new year arrives.. me and my sister was watching this TV show one day and saw and heared a lot of things that might be happening this year according to the manghuhulas..

the usual.. some celebrities will die, more calamities will strike the country, sudden break-ups of well-known couples, crazy philippine politics, so on and so forth.. with all of these predictions and predictors, i really did not mind a thing, not until Jojo Acquin was featured.. he is also known as the Nostradamus of Asia and a lot of his predictions really came into reality, which were mostly related to death and/or disaster... i actually don't believe in predictions but this prediction of his really creeped me out.....



yes.. the newly elected US president Barrack Obama whom i really like.. he's just one of the most compassionate politicians i have ever encountered (not in person of course) in my entire life... mr. Acquin predicted that Barrack Obama would not be able to finish his term for he'll have the same fate with Kennedy and Nixon.. Kennedy was assassinated while Nixon was (i think) involved in a huge scandal... with Obama's compassion and desire to make a change, i could hardly believe that he'd be involved in a scandal... huhuuuu... :/

my hopes with Obamma's presidency are still high though, for i know that PRAYERS are very powerful and everything is in God's hands, not in the manghuhulas... (:

wadup?

it has been really really cold these past few days...
i easily feel cold so my nails had been purple most of the time this week.. :/
anyways..

my week has been really busy.. it was exam week which was ofcourse stressfull.. my brain had so many infos to squeez in that i had migraines right after my last exam.. my study mode doesn't end there though.. i was forced by my teacher to join the "battle of the brains" contest for the intramurals which would cover general information.. one word, "YUCK!".. no interest with this kind of geeky stuff! nuh duh! zero! butlog! 0_o

the day after my last exams (which is today) i really made most out of my free time.. i played "Cake Mania 2" and "Chuzzle Deluxe" and watched TV to sawa.. and as i was trying to find a good show to watch on TV, the latest Mc Donald's commercial aired which really caught my eye.. it was about this geeky guy and his first love.. it was reeeeeeally cute!! i even had teary eyes after watching it! haha! but yah.. i seriously did! hehe.. :D

so from now on, i'm gonna start eating in Mc Donald's as often as i could.. hoping to find my first love as well!! nyahahaha!! just kidding! i miss their food na.. haven't eaten there for quite some time already.. tsk3.. :(

anyways..





grabe ang effect pang-endorser!! haha!! :P

i just can't get over..

................

wow naman.. serious masyado ang title! you might have thought that this entry is about "love" and all, but i'm sorry 'cause it's not.. hehe! :P

during 'zero plans' days, the only things that i'd usually do were to eat, to sleep, or to watch movies or series on dvd... the first and last days of my christmas break were mostly spent doing the mentioned..



i again and again watched the series "House, MD".. i don't know what's with this series but it really influenced me in some ways.. i get super turned-on with male doctors (ehem! eversince? hehehe..), i would want to be a medical doctor in my next life (i hope i would no longer be the lud-anon that i am today), and i already love it when men curse! haha! anyways, i still love the cases and the story of each of the characters.. i hope i could get my hands on some complete and original copies of this series.. i'd love it 'til death! :D



another thing that i still couldn't getover with is the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith".. duuuh! like i already had gotten over Brad Pitt! hehe.. i still get super kilig everytime i watch this movie.. they just look so good together especially in those characters.. i haven't really watched it for some time before last thursday, and i'm glad i saw my pirated dvd copy of it and watched it again.. my hopes of becoming the next Mrs. Pitt would still live though.. haha!! :D



my childhood days were fun and lively.. maybe that's why i still haven't gotten over some stuff from my past.. and one of these is my favorite cartoon series eversince, "Akazukin Chacha".. thanks to Hero channel who is still showing this fave cartoon of mine today, that i got the chance to watch it again and laugh at each funny scene as loud as i could (just like when i was a child).. hehe!!
to those who weren't able to give me some presents for my birthday or for christmas last year, a complete and original set of "Akazukin Chacha" dvd would be a great gift! :)



maybe i should have had another title for this entry... "My DVD wish List" would have also been a good one.. haha!! :D